“not my sink. not my dishes.”

YOOOO!! What up H3:33 Fam Bam! Back again with ya’ll for another note from the journey 😁. I hope that as you are reading this you are sitting in a space of peace, love, happiness, and gratitude. If not…just know that things WILL get better. Life is about balance and there is no dark without LIGHT. 

Last week when I was writing my entry for ya’ll…I actually determined what my next two topics were going to be. Which is not how the first two topics came to fruition because I like to write whatever it is I feel in my soul at the time. Lowkey I am happy I did it differently this week because this post will be dropping in a few hours and if I did not know what I wanted to write about…..it’s likely I’d be SCRAMBLING right now trying to figure out a topic hahaha but everything works out exactly how it is supposed to….EVERY…time.

So…..I got a story to tell…well…a LOT of em but this one is about a situation that happened two weeks ago. And it just so happens that a few days prior to this event I had a dream about an interaction that hadn’t happened….now the old me would have just assumed it was “odd”(I have more feels about dreams but that’s a different topic for a different day) but in the space I currently reside….I knew this was a message. I shared the details of this dream with one person before said event. Her and I discussed this dream, why I had it, what it meant and my plan going forward….

After that conversation I was feeling GOOD, prepared and ready for life’s next test. Or so I thought….because….the EXACT….and I mean EXACT situation from the dream showed up on my doorstep. Here was the chance to ignore old triggers, rise above, and build the reality that I want to live. INSTEAD the story has a twist because…….I had ish to GET OFF MY CHEST! I didn’t go 0-100 like I would have in the past…it was more like 0-60… unnecessary nonetheless. I  almost typed “out of character” instead of “unnecessary” but it happened so it was obviously still a PART of me. What this incident did was shine a light on an issue I thought I had truly worked on……CONTROL…..

“Sometimes you just gotta shut the F*!$ up”

A great, honest, direct, corrective and NECESSARY….statement that was presented to me shortly after my dream became my reality. Why did I deviate from the plan I had already created? Why did I let something trigger me that I was divinely prepared for? 

The answer is/was simple….I still had control issues that I had not yet fully released. I often try to fix problems that have NOTHING to do with/are outside of me 🤦🏿‍♂️. “Not my sink not my dishes” “Control the controllable” …two quotes I like and would use if/when I felt myself slipping into the fear of losing control…..yet…when I had the chance to prove to myself and others who are convinced that I am still the version of me they knew YEARS ago…..I returned to what was comfortable for me….while making things uncomfortable for others. 

“Sometimes you just have to shut the F!$# Up”

Control issues are often rooted in trauma that was created by an incident that made us feel victimized/embarrassed/hurt etc..and we vow to never let it happen again. Set the expectation within thyself to control everything we can in hopes to protect ourselves. Not allowing people to help us…..EVEN when it is obvious that we need help….because we want it done a certain way or have a lack of trust in an external energy.

How do we learn to release control? For me, control has always felt like protection….a way to keep chaos away. But the truth is, control is often fear in disguise. Fear that things won’t go right unless I’m steering every move. Fear that if I don’t handle it, it won’t get handled. But healing taught me something new: sometimes the lesson isn’t in the steering, it’s in surrendering.

Being a father made that lesson hit harder. I can guide my sons, but I can’t control their journey. I can show them love, but I can’t choose their lessons. What I can control is my response, my peace, and my presence. 

So this week, I remind myself….and EVERYONE reading this….to control the controllable and release the rest. Trust that God already has the plan in motion.

Healing builds strength, rising builds legacy.

Check me out next week for another glimpse into the Journey. If this post sparked something in you, or you’ve struggled with control yourself, leave a comment below, on IG or TikTok. Let’s grow together!

Holla at mmmmeeeeee!

Hiram

H3:33